I once saw a wooden sign in the clearance section at TJ Maxx that read: “The sadness we find in solitude can sometimes be the only solace which saves us from our suicide.” I considered buying it but I didn’t care for the font choice that was used so I had to pass. Still, I thought it was pretty profound stuff! Kind of a cool tongue twister too. Makes you think maybe we shouldn’t take ourselves so seriously. Maybe sometimes we really do need learn to LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE in order to keep ourselves from blowing our brains out. Carpe Diem!

Great for a nighttime drive through a crumbling suburban area. Contemplative moments interspersed with punishing dread, which will make you feel like a bad guy from Twin Peaks.

Wimps and posers leave the hall. Go back to your faux-tastemakers’ playlists on Youtube. But for all you true people who are down to fuck: we welcome you to the freak party with open arms.

Last month’s meatloaf leftovers, wrapped in foil and placed into the microwave (on high) for 60 seconds. Fungus dies as sparks fly, but the heat purifies your blessed feast. Soak it in ketchup to help soften the encrusted ball of flesh. Your bowels will thank you for the inevitable tarry purge that will follow this meal. With friends like these, who needs enemas?

Fever dream vibes. Like being hopelessly entangled in sweaty sheets, sinking into a claustrophobic panic. You're listening to what people are saying but it doesn't make any sense, and it’s all just feels like a bunch of unsettling non-sequiturs.

You are trapped in a mountain cabin with your European lover. It’s snowing outside and all roads are closed. It’s their birthday, but you’ve no access to fancy dining or any sort of luxury to elevate the evening. All you have is 2 bottles of French Malbec, a bag of potato chips and this tape to guide you through the many mood swings that will inevitably materialize before the night is over. Your musical puberty has begun. Keep drinking and keep on rocking until you pass out from exhaustion. In the morning you shall awake as a fully-blossomed adult ready for another year. Never forget where you came from.